Today started like any other travel day: I woke up early, milled around, paid no attention to time and then realized I am about to be late to my flight. So in non-typical fashion, I gather my things at my hotel in Memphis- because my house is rented out to an Airbnb- emphasizing non-typical- and take my time (that I don’t have) and speed to make it to the airport. And like clockwork it begins….
Airport encounter #1
Female, single, name is Shelby, she is a 6th yr college senior, went out late last night. (How do I know this? I don’t, it’s purely the scenario I made up in my head while people watching her as she traveled through the airport). She is in the TSA pre line so I had high hopes for her to glide through the screening process. When she arrived at the TSA agent and my hopes were dashed. For starters, she was in the long wrong line, then she was dumbfounded that she was asked to get rid of her Gatorade bottle or drink it all before she got to the X-ray. Shelby did not like that request and stood around to further question the TSA agent. Next she tries to walk through the x ray machine with her purse and phone in hand. The guy stops her and she is so confused on what to do next because TSApre doesn’t offer trays anymore (which is weird- not her fault). Then she is cleared to walk through, and then gets randomly flagged for extra screening. She stands there confused, and then just grabbed her purse and left.. lol- TSA chases her down and then strangely- just let her go…? Weird
Airport encounter #2
Kevin- late 30’s, just got a new job, has to travel for training in Atlanta, he has a carry on, and is possibly a virgin (Again, this is just my assumption of this persons life- which I know nothing about).
This is nothing exciting – just that annoying person… who waits until they are next to push through the conveyor, to prep for the X-ray machine . So- we all wait for him to put his wallet away, his phone, his metal jewelry, he tries to take his shoes off, and then his computer out- I remind him he doesn’t have to. He then pushes bag and then makes a little hop and skip before he achieves to do one of my travel pet peeves. He walks through the X-ray as slow as he can to make sure it is guaranteed to find any metal. Lol shaking my head and giggling to myself at how silly this guy looks, but he is happy and living his life- and excited for his new job.. lol
The blondes- family of 3, all in their 50’s, all with bright bleach blonde (leaning on orange) hair, all pretty tan, and have not flown to the beach in year, they usually drive.
This was a very short encounter but I laughed out loud as I walked by them. They had been stopped and had their carryons checked because they were packing some major heat. They had full bottles of hairspray -16oz can- lots of lotion- literally every item they had exceeded 3.5oz by double digits. The best part of it, and causing another outburst- was listening to them, contemplating whether or not to leave security to check a few of their things – all toiletries items. The TSA agent let them know if would cost more to check bags over just buying new supplies once they got to the beach. I wish I had pics …
Yes.. this all happened before I got through security. The rest of my Memphis adventure did not have anything else exciting, until I arrived in Minnesota. The Avis car check out line.
Two cars ahead of me is Jim. He is in his early 70’s, very conservative, does not drink, and does not put up with anyone’s B.S.
I discover Jim as I drive up to the Avis check out. Jim is outside the car and walking around the car checking for any and all scratches on his rental. He then takes a lap with the young Avis agent who is not interested in Jim’s concerns. Jim is now opening all doors and is giving the Avis agent an earful – and all I want is be a fly in that cars interior to see what Jim is bitching about. After 5 min, which seemed like 20, Jim pulls away to venture into Minneapolis traffic .. bye Jim
Of course I asked the agent what Jim’s problem was .. he was upset that the cars interior was not spotless. Bye Jim again..
And my last encounter (so far)
Marcy Catherine Gallagher- she is the younger sister of Mary Catherine Gallagher- from Saturday Night Live, she is 30, and is on a very strong dose of Adderall.
I am trying to enjoy a lovely dinner at Olive Garden (do not judge me- this is a guilty pleasure of mine and no one else ever wants to go with me) and Marcy is all hopped and making me question what her co workers think of her. This woman has me on edge like I have never been before. I am honestly trying to figure out how to slip her a Xanax. She has told me she “Loves Ittttt..” numerous times, she has winked at me over 50x, she had a naughty convo about a regular customer and what she wanted to do. The only thing Marcy has not done to annoy me – sniff her armpits..
I have so much more to share about encounter #5 so stay tuned for ..
“I don’t think I got what I ordered..”