Someone is about to get popped off on…

And here is why….

Here I am – tired as hell from no sleep – walking through the lovely Memphis airport (lovely is definitely a joke) – keeping to myself because I am aware that I am cranky and don’t want to be around people. I am trying to go through my normal airport extravaganza which includes: being slightly late, kind of hungry, kind of in a hurry, and a little hungover. Hoping the day would be uneventful and that the people I am forced to be around will just keep to themselves as I plan to keep my own. But… let me introduce you to my vacation day intruders …

Intruder 1: she is the cause of my blog today- she has never traveled or she is also in a “mood” today, like myself. Intruder 1 goes through the wrong security line and in rare airport form- the TSA agents bring this confused woman over the the Pre-check line- directly in front of me. I try to be very pleasant and welcome her to the “Traveler” side but she is acting irregular. All of the people in front of her are placing items on the belt and advancing towards the metal detector – but not her- she continues to just stand in front of me, making zero notion that she will be scooting forward. So, I make a slight move to slip by her – she then decides to inch over and block. This is fair as I would do the same to someone. But the weird thing here is- she does not move to put her bags on the conveyor. Now all people have gone through the metal detector and here her and I stand – with all bags in hand. She finally does advance closer and closer until finally placing her bag and belongings right at the spot where the bags disappear. I am very annoyed at this point and likely was making huffing noises. As the woman places final bag on conveyor – I put mine on as well and forcefully give it a little scootch and watch it collide with her purse and disappear… (and here comes the title of this blog)..

This woman snatched her head back at me so hard and gave me a death stare in disgust that would normally melt ones soul. Unfortunately- this old hen was not ready for my reaction back. When she looked at me- it took all my strength to not snatch that damn Barbie doll wig off her head and let her know she is holding a whole damn line up- I was being so nice and calm and patient.. and the nerve she had at 6am is one I was not ready for.

Moving on:

Intruder 2: Asian man – not trying to scare off anyone with any racial tones or attitudes – but Some folks don’t have the same concept of personal space. And all I mean by this is: you need to keep a proper distance around my personal bubble. That’s all I ask. And Intruder 2 violated this clause – and didn’t know – and most importantly, didn’t care… until I let him know about my phobia of China and all things related to mass amounts of people in small spaces. That’s one thing I don’t do. I love all people and all social settings- except when there is no personal space.

The main problem with Intruder 2 was that he followed directly after my incident with Intruder 1. He came through the metal detector right after me and then got in front of me and blocked me from getting my bag. I was annoyed and spoke out loud with an “excuse you sir” and he kindly ignored me.. so I tapped his shoulder and said- “excuse you sir,” and just shook my head at him giving him one of my better confused facial expressions spelling out: ” is this normal for you ?”

I was completely satisfied with my decision and got my bag and went on with my morning walk to the sky club. Intruder 2 followed- of course- and continued to violate my space rules as I tried to prepare a small breakfast snack. He actually reached across me to get some spice to add to his egg- in my head- I swatted the shit out of his arm- like I would one of my friends going for an extra reach across the table- but in reality, I just stepped back and let him finish his meal prep and I waited as to not cause a scene or any unwanted violence.

There are no more intruders of the story- and so far- nothing too exciting or out of the ordinary on my travels to Aruba. There is an annoying guy who is laughing out loud in hysterics at his movie- but can’t be mad – he is just living life and I’m sure I have annoyed a few souls that were fortunate to be sitting near me on a flight. Thank you Delta for having Woodford Reserve – and for easing my travel tensions…

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