I am not sure why I decided right now to begin writing my blog series- especially when it has nothing to do with travel.. but I enjoy writing and rather than spilling my guts on other social media about the other extreme of amazing travel: losing my best friend- my companion- my snuggle bud- my energy- and I lost my queen.
Let’s start with the bad: Sadie’s eye sight has been going bad for a few months and then was getting much worse over the last few weeks- being slightly disoriented- very low energy- and just showing signs of old age- like the inevitable- we all go through it.
Since she has slowly becoming less and less capable of doing things on her own, I began to fear about the day I absolutely dreaded most —was coming sooner than later- I was thinking a few years or so – as I have read about it and know many friends dogs who go through the same. So, I decided to start taking her on more trips with me because I wanted her to feel comfortable as she was learning about life without being able to see. For those who know her, I have to say this did not slow down Sadie and her frisbee obsession. I like to think the two of us were very alike because this certainly did not slow her down, it just gave her a challenge that she had no problem accepting- with a few hiccups along the way (walls and a doors and me going to retrieve the frisbee for a restart!)
This last little travel adventure of mine was for 3 weeks and I got to spend most of it with her. She traveled to the beach and then to Mississippi and then Lousiana. I sent her home a day early with Sean so she wasn’t stuck in a strange hotel during the day by herself. Unfortunately for me, flight delays had me stuck in ATL for the night and I wanted nothing more than to get home to my little blind Sadiebug. I did take the earliest flight out and made it home by 9am to starting giving all the love in the world to my pup I had been missing and was so excited to have 8 days together before my next set of travels. We cuddled all day, ate junk food (human food) and I tried to spoil her all day. I left her on the couch all curled up in blankets and headed to work for a couple hours. When I returned home, I knew things were not right with her.
My great friend Ashley had mentioned to me that she didn’t look well and was quite unstable- almost drunk looking. So I picked her up and she was foaming a little at the mouth and very shooken up. I rushed her to our vet at Animal Utopia- greatest place ever- and vet had guessed she had a seizure. And then she had another while being examined.
They put her on some Valium since this is the first time it has ever happened and told me to look for certain signs for seizure and we went home. The Valium was not taken well by her- she cried and screamed the whole way home- the vets said this is also normal because the Valium makes them very disoriented – this went on for the 30 min- which felt like an eternity and one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure.
She did calm down and for a couple hours was the snuggly lovey Sadie like always. Then we we had another seizure- and then another in the car on the way to the ER vet and then another as I was handing her over to the doctor. After a few hours of drugs and trying to sedate her, the seizures would not stop, and I had to take my baby out of her misery and chose to have her put to rest and out of this awful pain.
I am sad . I am a little numb . I had nightmares all night hearing her screams of pain and of being scared . I am trying to be strong . And I will be okay .
I will be okay because Sadie lived the greatest of dog lives. She was able to meet all the amazing people in my life who all loved her. She was able to go to the coolest grassy parks in the country. She got to live her final years out on the river belt playing frisbee. She was truly the happiest dog ever. And moody. And sweet. And I know she loved me.
I have so many memories that I will never ever forget and so many daily reminders of her that make me smile, and today make me cry.
All I can hope for is that other people and their pets love each other as much as Sadie and I did. It made my life a better place every single day. It surely sounds cheesy but Sadie was a daddy’s girl and she was my everything…
Last night when I returned home from the vet, devastated and hurting- something amazing happened to me:
EVERY single night, Sadie and I had our routine- I would take her out to use the bathroom- I would let her back in- she would go eat some food and have a little drink as I was going up the stairs to get in bed.. I always left the door just slightly cracked (cause some nights she would take longer than others) and she would nuzzle her nose and open the door and come crawl in bed…
—- Last night, as I laid in bed with my door slightly cracked, weeping but trying to be strong, my door nuzzled open one last time, just like it had for the past 12 years… and I know she is back with me forever….